Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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