she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
worst night to have a conscience
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
