fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he thought i was a dude.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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