People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
