And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
