If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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