I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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