The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
