So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
