Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
