shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
