i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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