Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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