I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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