2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
