i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
