True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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