operation have a gay friend backfired
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
