they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
