I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
