they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
