In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
