How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize