Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
True strength comes from lack of pants
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
God, I missed his penis.
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