respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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