So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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