I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
