throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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