he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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