There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
