party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
