he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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