Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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