did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
