FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
