We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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