time to smoke my breakfast
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize