Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my being single is dangerous.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
