I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
