Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize