If i come over, it means nothing
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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