There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize