3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
