Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
