butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
