chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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