Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
