it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
