my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
