Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
