i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
