Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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