I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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