mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
