Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
