Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Randomize