maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
