i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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