she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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