At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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