Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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