Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
