to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize