She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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