Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize