am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
