Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
