what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
